Supporting children with Trauma and Attachment issues
A blog by Katie Simpson, Director of Research, Learning and Development at Brightsparks.
Katie Simpson, Director of Research, Learning and Development at Brightsparks
I have worked with children, young people, and their families in a number of roles for the last 20 years across the Yorkshire region. The majority of my career has been spent working with refugees newly resettled in the UK who have experienced multiple traumas. I have also supported Foster Carers through accredited courses to develop skills and strategies to help identify and support children with trauma and attachment issues.
Early childhood trauma generally refers to the traumatic experiences that occur to children aged 0-6. These traumas can be the result of intentional violence - such as child physical or sexual abuse or domestic violence; or the result of natural disaster, accidents, or war. They can be a one-off incident, or long term trauma such as neglect. Trauma impacts on the body response (fight, flight or freeze) and the brain response (emotions and behaviour).
Failed attachment, whether caused by abuse, neglect or an emotional unavailability caretaker, can negatively impact brain structure and function, causing developmental or relational trauma. Where a child has been given early messages that “I am bad” and that “grownups can’t be trusted”, they will tend to take these expectations with them, even after they are moved on from an abusive, neglectful environment into a loving and supportive one. These negative inner messages underlie the many emotional and behavioural symptoms which such children can present with.
There are multiple ways that you can support children and young people who are trauma experienced, here are a few strategies:
Identify the triggers: This can be done through a process of recording when a situation has escalated and details about the environment. For example, a trigger could be a particular smell, sound, location, memory, weather, etc.
Listen: be available to listen and be responsive in the moment - if it matters to the child to talk now, then let them talk. Demonstrate active listening by making sure you make eye contact, nod and give reassurance. If it is not the right place (thinking here about safety or whether it is possible) tell them that you have heard and understand they want to talk and that it is important to you to listen to them - then create the opportunity to do this. If they do not want to talk could they draw or create something to let you know how they are feeling.
Help the child to relax: One method to do this is with breathing exercises. Breathing becomes shallow when anxiety sets in; deep belly breaths can help children (and adults) calm down. For example, you could say, “Let’s breathe in slowly while I count to three, then breathe out while I count to three.” Or you could place a soft toy or pillow on your child’s stomach as they lay down and ask them to breathe in and out slowly as they watch the soft toy or pillow rise and fall.
Be consistent and predictable: If you say you are going to be there, then be there. Don't let them down.
Rhythms and routines not regimes: Regimes are imposed on young people and can often set children up to fail. Rhythms and routines follow a predictable and reassuring pattern, but do allow for some fluidity and flexibility. If your child has some input on what happens e.g. they set the rules alongside you, it is more effective and respectful.
Encourage self-esteem: By building trust and not letting your child down. Create opportunities for your child to win and feel successful, but equally show them how to deal with adversity and the lessons that it teaches you. There is a great book for kids called “You are Awesome” by Mathew Syed, that I would recommend.
Celebrate small victories: This helps to develop your child’s self esteem by reinforcing positive behaviours, which in turn builds trust.
Nurture resilience: This can be done through role modelling and giving examples of your own experiences. Sometimes things don't work out, but use this as an opportunity for discussion and to show your child that mistakes are opportunities for learning.
Be aware of ‘secondary traumas’ and caring for yourself, avoiding compassion fatigue and burnout: Ensure that as a caregiver you allow yourself time and space to rest and relax and participate in activities that you enjoy. Caring for a child with trauma and attachment issues can be incredibly difficult and it is important that you allow time for yourself and that you feel supported too.
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